Watch the Laying Back online guitar lesson by Fareed Haque from Soul Jazz Survival Guide
Sometimes a good way to think of this is to feel a slow 2 behind the quick 4 beats. So, if band is playing 1-2-3-4 and driving the beat, I might layer over the top a slower 1-&-2-&, and then swing in a big slow 2, rather than a quick fast 4. So, feel the 1/2 time tempo on top of the quick tempo and you'll start to lay back...but no matter what, laying back feels like you're pulling against the beat...and that is hard to do, and feels crazy, baby! But lean into it, feel that pull of the rhythm against your notes and relax!